I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
