oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
