what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
