We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
