Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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