Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
