Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
no you cant smoke seaweed
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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