I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
