I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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