I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
