I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
