mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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