she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
