why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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