There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
