We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I DEMAND FORESKIN
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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