he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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