ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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