I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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