I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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