Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
