New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
