What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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