Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
