is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i was born a porn star she said
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
