hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
