And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
