It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
