I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
