Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
