So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize