you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
