It's Friday. Sex?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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