did you get engaged???
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
