eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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