ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
