ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
