This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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