My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize