i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
