Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
