things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
