Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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