the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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