you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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