Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You made out with two different species that night
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
