if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
