I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
