Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
