i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
