Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
