My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
