it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
