Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
