he wants to bone in the snuggie
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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