awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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