I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
