I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
