I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
