I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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