Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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