I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
