Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.

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  (407): Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night. http://tfl.nu/8tsr
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  (818): View more from California

  You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.

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  (818): You can't hide fat with big sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/r8gr
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  (254): View more from Texas

  you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.

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  (254): you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it. http://tfl.nu/sgly
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  (850): View more from Florida

  My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.

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  (850): My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated. http://tfl.nu/7uws
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  (210): View more from Texas

  So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon

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  (210): So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon http://tfl.nu/iac1
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  (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

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  (727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9
  Replies (117) Good night (2987) Bad night (11685)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.

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  (407): mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad. http://tfl.nu/ifx0
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.

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  (732): there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts. http://tfl.nu/wlt6
  Replies (48) Good night (7489) Bad night (1959) Order T-Shirt
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.

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  (787): He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him. http://tfl.nu/klex
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.

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  (847): couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner. http://tfl.nu/srex
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Im 95% ready to shit behind 711

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  (360): Im 95% ready to shit behind 711 http://tfl.nu/2mf3
  Replies (4) Good night (1070) Bad night (1989) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting

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  (423): Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting http://tfl.nu/waaj
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.

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  (307): We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying. http://tfl.nu/19ej
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.

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  (443): Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers? (301): Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis. http://tfl.nu/hcxa
  Replies (4) Good night (602) Bad night (664)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.

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  (469): Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda. http://tfl.nu/k07e
  Replies (1) Good night (505) Bad night (174) Order T-Shirt

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