Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable