Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...