I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
