Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.