38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
