with your own penis?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
