Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
