Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
