I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize