That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
