rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
