when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
